Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Selfish Guys Finish Last

Unfortunately over the past few months, I have been communicating with my ex.

If you need a refresher about our F-ed up relationship, read this previous blog: Click Here

I know it's a horrible idea to talk to him, yet I continue to do it anyway.  I don't know if it's boredom or if I'm still holding out that I can be the one to "change" him.  That after all we've been through he will wake up one day and become a different person, the person I need him to be in order to be happy.

Well, that's not going to happen.  I know this deep down in my heart, but I just havene't been strong enough to cut off ties.  Every time I do, a few months after the fact he reaches out and professes his love and I am sucked back in.

He also lives in the mid west, about 23 hours away from me.  I have not seen him in a year, so it's not like I can get sex out of this relationship.  It honestly has no benefits.

Besides all of the horrific things he has done to me in the past, today I realized the ultimate reason that we will never work out I drove past his old house today and got sentimental thinking about the summer we had together 3 years ago and how amazing it was.  I texted him how I felt in a very sweet way and told him that I hope we can spend a summer together again somehow. (I know, I know. I'm a stupid girl). 

His response to this sweet text: "How will that happen?"

Me: I don't know...I just thought that was what you wanted.

Him:  Only if you move here.

I didn't respond.  Quite honestly, I don't even know how to  begin to respond to that.  He is the most selfish person I have ever met and there is no way that I will ever come first in his life.  There will always be something or someone that he will put before me.  If there was a legitimate reason that he needed to stay in the area he is living in now, like a great job for instance, I would consider making the move.  He is making 10 dollars an hour doing part time work for his dad's company.  I'm sorry, but this does not consitutute as a good enough reason for me to move halfway across the country to a state that does not have that many jobs in my field of interest.  I am a year away from getting my masters and getting a good job, but that doesn't matter to him.

At this point, I know that this is my fault because I know how he is and I am still subjecting myself to talking to him.  I also know that I need to stop and I feel fully confident that I am going to.  There just comes a point where there's only so much you can take.  When I think about the way he treats me, I am hurt, but I can't even bring myself to cry about it.  That's when you know you have put up with too much.

In the end though, I can honestly say I know what I do need and want out of a relationship.  I know the signs of a selfish person and know that I need someone who is wiling to compromise with me.

Honestly, I don't think that's too much to ask for.

Over it,


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