Last week I did something very out of my element.
I went on a date.
With myself.
Before you point and laugh and give me the big loser sign, hear me out. It doesn't sound like the most fun or glamorous thing, but for me, it was a big moment in my life. I'm a people person, an extrovert, outgoing, a relationship based person. I don't like to be alone. I have the most energy when I'm around other people. Quite frankly, when I'm alone for too long I start to get depressed. Not jump off a building depressed but I just start to get BLAH.
That's why this date for one was a huge step in my life. I felt so independent and empowered.
This is how the date went down:
First, I went shopping by myself. Which I've done frequently before, so no big deal. After that, I went to Panera and a light bulb went off. I usually get my food to go and take it home, but I was STARVING. I thought, maybe I should sit and eat here? Not gonna lie, the thought kinda scared me at first. Eat by myself? Sit alone at a booth? Should I call someone while doing this? I was really really really tempted to call my best friend, but I didn't. I got my food, sat down, and just ate. In silence.
Obviously I people watched, but Panera wasn't too bumpin for some reason that night so it was pretty lonely. I honestly didn't mind though. It was nice to have some peace and quiet outside of my four walls. I felt super empowered. So empowered that I continued the date with myself and went to Rita's after. I sat outside by myself AGAIN and ate my mango gelati.
Long story short, I'm a great time. Being alone might not be the most exciting, thrilling thing ever, but now I know I can do it. Not only can I do it, I can do it and be happy at the same time.
I do want to find someone someday and my date with myself reaffirmed that. It's always nice to have company and someone to share life with. If you are still looking for that special someone, treat yourself in the meantime.
You are a great time ;),
C
Monday, April 23, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Sex vs. Relationships
And thats the most wonderful feeling in the world, how many people are ever given that chance? To have someone you love fall in love with you over and over? -Nicholas Sparks
This quote has inspired me. It's so true. If you tuly care about someone, you need to make the effort to see them in a different light. People are going to change, and there is a lot of times where this is the end of a relationship. The real test is how well people can adapt.
A relationship does not work unless both parties are willing to accept this constant change & roll with it. To be in a long term relationship requires serious maturity & understanding. It also requires two people to be able to fall in love with each other multiple times.
I've been jaded in the sense that many people in their 20s can't yet accept this concept or maturity levels. Therefore, people are constantly giving up and taking the easy way out, and I've accepted this as normal. I guess people need to go through this part before they master the "experience," but it doesn't mean that I need to change my morals and standards because of this.
A guy told me this weekend that he wants to hold off on sex because it's not the healthy way to start a relationship. At first this freaked me out, but after having conversations with some of my guy friends, this is actually a morality issue. Sex actually complicates things and blinds you from seeing the real person- not saying that this is ALWAYS a bad thing, but I just forgot that some guys actually want more than that. And better yet, some guys that I might actually see myself with (which is hard to do).
I'm re-evaluating myself and my morals- if there really are still good people out there who want to get to know me before they want the sexual aspect, then why would I settle for anything else? It might actually be these types of people who have the maturity to be able to handle a long-term relationship instead of just giving up on it.
Lesson learned.....
T
This quote has inspired me. It's so true. If you tuly care about someone, you need to make the effort to see them in a different light. People are going to change, and there is a lot of times where this is the end of a relationship. The real test is how well people can adapt.
A relationship does not work unless both parties are willing to accept this constant change & roll with it. To be in a long term relationship requires serious maturity & understanding. It also requires two people to be able to fall in love with each other multiple times.
I've been jaded in the sense that many people in their 20s can't yet accept this concept or maturity levels. Therefore, people are constantly giving up and taking the easy way out, and I've accepted this as normal. I guess people need to go through this part before they master the "experience," but it doesn't mean that I need to change my morals and standards because of this.
A guy told me this weekend that he wants to hold off on sex because it's not the healthy way to start a relationship. At first this freaked me out, but after having conversations with some of my guy friends, this is actually a morality issue. Sex actually complicates things and blinds you from seeing the real person- not saying that this is ALWAYS a bad thing, but I just forgot that some guys actually want more than that. And better yet, some guys that I might actually see myself with (which is hard to do).
I'm re-evaluating myself and my morals- if there really are still good people out there who want to get to know me before they want the sexual aspect, then why would I settle for anything else? It might actually be these types of people who have the maturity to be able to handle a long-term relationship instead of just giving up on it.
Lesson learned.....
T
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Age is more than just a number
As I got older, I thought age would stop mattering a some point, especially when it comes to dating. In high school and college it's all very relevant because a five year age gap is a world of a difference because of the level of maturity attached with that development as a person. A 15 year old dating a 20 year old...eh kinda sketchy. However, is there really that much of a difference between 25 and 30? Not really in my opinion.
From my experience in online dating, age still is a factor in a relationship because that is one of the preferences we have to give. That was really hard for me to distinguish. How old is too old??
When I set my online profile I picked the ages 22-30. Seems pretty reasonable right? 22 is my age so I don't really want to go any younger (because then you start getting into college boys/and people under 21...uh if we can't go to the bar together that's awkward), and 30 just seemed like the cut off.
Needless to say I got a few emails from guys that were 31 or 32 who were all offended that I cut my age range off at 30. Apparently they were sensitive sallies because if they really thought that one or two years would sway my opinion on them, they were mistaken. The one email I received said: "Hey, I don't know why you are so opposed to dating older men. I'm only 32. Give me a shot." Ok....seriously??? I had to cut it off somewhere. If I picked 32 then it would turn into 35 and 35 would turn into 40. I'm not trying to be shallow but I think age really does matter. Difference between 30 and 32? None. These people need to get over themselves.
My friend just recently had another interesting experience having to do with age. A co-worker sent her an email telling her about a friend she had who was looking for a date to a pretty fancy shmancy gala in a few weeks. The co-worker was very honest and aired out this dude's dirty laundry right away which was pretty considerate of her. She explained that the guy was 41, divorced, no kids, CEO of his company, and a pilot. My friend is 25 but still felt like 41 was a bit old. So she did what any of us would do and stalked the shit out of his life on facebook & googled his name. She ended up finding his old wedding pictures (yes, this girl should be a professional creeper haha love ya). Mind you, his wedding was 7 years ago, and this guy looked OLD then. My friend had a realization that 41 was too old for her. Her exact words were, "What is he going to do when I'm running around drunk and he's just chillin there." Haha. Hilarious. But good point. A 41 year olds priorites probably look different than a 25 year olds.
So should the saying "age ain't nothing but a number" be tossed out the window? I don't think so. It obviously depends on a lot of outside factors. Personally sometimes I can't get past a person's age but other times people can totally throw you for a loop when you find out how old they actually are.
Does age matter to you? How old is too old? How young is too young? Is there a magic formula for an age combination?
I'd love your feedback!
Dating drama doesn't stop at any age,
C
From my experience in online dating, age still is a factor in a relationship because that is one of the preferences we have to give. That was really hard for me to distinguish. How old is too old??
When I set my online profile I picked the ages 22-30. Seems pretty reasonable right? 22 is my age so I don't really want to go any younger (because then you start getting into college boys/and people under 21...uh if we can't go to the bar together that's awkward), and 30 just seemed like the cut off.
Needless to say I got a few emails from guys that were 31 or 32 who were all offended that I cut my age range off at 30. Apparently they were sensitive sallies because if they really thought that one or two years would sway my opinion on them, they were mistaken. The one email I received said: "Hey, I don't know why you are so opposed to dating older men. I'm only 32. Give me a shot." Ok....seriously??? I had to cut it off somewhere. If I picked 32 then it would turn into 35 and 35 would turn into 40. I'm not trying to be shallow but I think age really does matter. Difference between 30 and 32? None. These people need to get over themselves.
My friend just recently had another interesting experience having to do with age. A co-worker sent her an email telling her about a friend she had who was looking for a date to a pretty fancy shmancy gala in a few weeks. The co-worker was very honest and aired out this dude's dirty laundry right away which was pretty considerate of her. She explained that the guy was 41, divorced, no kids, CEO of his company, and a pilot. My friend is 25 but still felt like 41 was a bit old. So she did what any of us would do and stalked the shit out of his life on facebook & googled his name. She ended up finding his old wedding pictures (yes, this girl should be a professional creeper haha love ya). Mind you, his wedding was 7 years ago, and this guy looked OLD then. My friend had a realization that 41 was too old for her. Her exact words were, "What is he going to do when I'm running around drunk and he's just chillin there." Haha. Hilarious. But good point. A 41 year olds priorites probably look different than a 25 year olds.
So should the saying "age ain't nothing but a number" be tossed out the window? I don't think so. It obviously depends on a lot of outside factors. Personally sometimes I can't get past a person's age but other times people can totally throw you for a loop when you find out how old they actually are.
Does age matter to you? How old is too old? How young is too young? Is there a magic formula for an age combination?
I'd love your feedback!
Dating drama doesn't stop at any age,
C
Monday, April 16, 2012
Blast From The Past
How do ex boyfriends have a radar that goes off when we are finally getting over them and moving on? They come out of nowhere or you give them an inch because you are a nice person and they take a freaking mile.
How do they KNOW when to do that? And better yet, how do they know how to get you hooked again without even having to put in that much effort.
I just want to scream:
I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU IN AGAIN!!!!!!!! This is where it's helpful to be logical. I'm a huge feelings person and so I don't want to make anyone upset or cut off all ties with someone. I don't like to see people go out of my life so I keep them in even if they are self destructive.
Not this time. I'm taking my own advice to heart and being logical. Sometimes you need to be selfish and think about how someone or something is going to affect you.
Letting go of the past,
C
How do they KNOW when to do that? And better yet, how do they know how to get you hooked again without even having to put in that much effort.
I just want to scream:
I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU IN AGAIN!!!!!!!! This is where it's helpful to be logical. I'm a huge feelings person and so I don't want to make anyone upset or cut off all ties with someone. I don't like to see people go out of my life so I keep them in even if they are self destructive.
Not this time. I'm taking my own advice to heart and being logical. Sometimes you need to be selfish and think about how someone or something is going to affect you.
Letting go of the past,
C
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Negative outlooks won't lead to positive outcomes
When I picked up this month's Glamour Magazine because my girl Lauren Conrad was on the cover (looking freaking awesome might I add), I wasn't expecting to find inspiration for a new blog entry. However, there was an article in this issue titled "Do You Still Have Faith in Marriage After All This" (talking about the rapid rate of celebrity divorces). I wasn't too interested about the celebrity divorces but more so the thoughts and opinions of the readers surveyed.
Here is a little excerpt from the article:
"According to Glamour's national survey of 3,250 women and men ages 18-40:
"51% of women under 30 believe marriage is becoming outdated,. But 58% of men say the institution is timeless"
Weird that there is a larger percentage of men that have a positive outlook on marriage. You would think it would be the opposite way around right?
Even though women think that it is becoming outdated, "92% of both men and women would PREFER to get married."
Check out the May 2012 issue of Glamour if you want to read this article more in depth!
So is this negative outlook on marriage really getting us any closer to a happily ever after? No. In my opinion I think we are completely contradicting ourselves in a way. We have this negative outlook on the concept of marriage but we want it anyway? It seems a little jaded to me.
The article in Glamour suggests though that women are giving themselves other options, which is great! I agree that there are other ways to happiness than being married, but at the same time, if marriage is your goal at the end of the day I think that you need to fully believe in it.
I think it's all about balance. Marriage may not be your ONLY focus in life, but if you really want it, you need to start thinking positively about it!
I know it's hard to be positive about marriage when the divorce rates are so high. It's even more discouraging when celebrities we thought would REALLY make it (Seal and Heidi Klum) end up calling it quits. I get it. It's easy to be cynical and jaded about love. (I have a blog about dating drama in our 20's.....I get it). It can even be quite funny sometime to embrace how much dating and being single sucks (I think I'm pretty hilarious). BUT I think the power of positive thinking can go a long way.
Negative outlooks do not lead to positive outcomes!
Trying to keep it posi......for now.
C
Here is a little excerpt from the article:
"According to Glamour's national survey of 3,250 women and men ages 18-40:
"51% of women under 30 believe marriage is becoming outdated,. But 58% of men say the institution is timeless"
Weird that there is a larger percentage of men that have a positive outlook on marriage. You would think it would be the opposite way around right?
Even though women think that it is becoming outdated, "92% of both men and women would PREFER to get married."
Check out the May 2012 issue of Glamour if you want to read this article more in depth!
So is this negative outlook on marriage really getting us any closer to a happily ever after? No. In my opinion I think we are completely contradicting ourselves in a way. We have this negative outlook on the concept of marriage but we want it anyway? It seems a little jaded to me.
The article in Glamour suggests though that women are giving themselves other options, which is great! I agree that there are other ways to happiness than being married, but at the same time, if marriage is your goal at the end of the day I think that you need to fully believe in it.
I think it's all about balance. Marriage may not be your ONLY focus in life, but if you really want it, you need to start thinking positively about it!
I know it's hard to be positive about marriage when the divorce rates are so high. It's even more discouraging when celebrities we thought would REALLY make it (Seal and Heidi Klum) end up calling it quits. I get it. It's easy to be cynical and jaded about love. (I have a blog about dating drama in our 20's.....I get it). It can even be quite funny sometime to embrace how much dating and being single sucks (I think I'm pretty hilarious). BUT I think the power of positive thinking can go a long way.
Negative outlooks do not lead to positive outcomes!
Trying to keep it posi......for now.
C
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
The First Date
Tonight I participated in a twitter chat called #datingchat. The topic tonight was the concept of a date and what dating even means anymore.
While talking to some pretty fun dating bloggers, I started thinking not only about dating in general but specifically the first date.
The first date used to be this huge deal where you awkwardly break the ice and ask all of the get to know you questions. You would dress up, spend hours on your hair and makeup and really try to make a good first impression. This is probably still somewhat true, but the main reason we would put so much effort into the first date was because this could potentially be the first time you meet the person or interact with them on that level.
With technology, is it fair to see that the first day has evolved into something completely different?
Think about it. Say you meet someone at a party and you get their number. Most likely (hopefully) they will text you the next day. You better believe that the first words out of their mouth won't be "so wanna go on a date?" In my experience, the conversation will be a little more drawn out than that. Both people want to get a feel for if they REALLY want to pursue this or not. That's where the texting get to know you conversation starts happening. The awkward questions all seem to get out of the way. So what do you do? Where do you live? You mentioned your sister last night, is she your only sibling? What are you in school for again? Oh, what do you do for fun? All first date topics of conversations being done over the phone via text.
Same goes for online dating. It's like skipping an entire step. Most people don't want to meet up with someone physically until they email them for awhile, but doesn't that take the whole point of dating away??? If you email them for a month ad know all about them, then what the heck are you going to talk about during your first date??? Do you skip right down to religious beliefs, politics, and marriage?
Technology is awesome, but sometimes it sure can take the fun and personal effect out of things.
What are your thoughts on the evolution of the first date? Do you think technology has changed it at all?
Need to work on finding a date to test this theory out.
C
While talking to some pretty fun dating bloggers, I started thinking not only about dating in general but specifically the first date.
The first date used to be this huge deal where you awkwardly break the ice and ask all of the get to know you questions. You would dress up, spend hours on your hair and makeup and really try to make a good first impression. This is probably still somewhat true, but the main reason we would put so much effort into the first date was because this could potentially be the first time you meet the person or interact with them on that level.
With technology, is it fair to see that the first day has evolved into something completely different?
Think about it. Say you meet someone at a party and you get their number. Most likely (hopefully) they will text you the next day. You better believe that the first words out of their mouth won't be "so wanna go on a date?" In my experience, the conversation will be a little more drawn out than that. Both people want to get a feel for if they REALLY want to pursue this or not. That's where the texting get to know you conversation starts happening. The awkward questions all seem to get out of the way. So what do you do? Where do you live? You mentioned your sister last night, is she your only sibling? What are you in school for again? Oh, what do you do for fun? All first date topics of conversations being done over the phone via text.
Same goes for online dating. It's like skipping an entire step. Most people don't want to meet up with someone physically until they email them for awhile, but doesn't that take the whole point of dating away??? If you email them for a month ad know all about them, then what the heck are you going to talk about during your first date??? Do you skip right down to religious beliefs, politics, and marriage?
Technology is awesome, but sometimes it sure can take the fun and personal effect out of things.
What are your thoughts on the evolution of the first date? Do you think technology has changed it at all?
Need to work on finding a date to test this theory out.
C
Monday, April 9, 2012
No Follow Through
Guys have a lot of experience in follow through outside of dating.
Tennis.
Basketball.
Golf.
But what about relationships? Or a night of flirting at the bar? Where is the follow through in that situation?
I know T briefly touched on our bar excursions this weekend when she came to visit me, but I have my own little personal story to add into it.
So a couple of weekends ago I met this really cute (in my opinion..T later informed me that he looked like Jimmy Neutron) guy. He was 27, an engineer, had his life together, was really funny, and was really just a fun guy to talk to.
At one point we got to talking, and he let it slip that he had just broken off his engagement a few weeks ago. Ouch. I knew that he was probably damaged goods and it was probably better to walk away, but being the smart girl that I am, I continued to talk and flirt with him.
Long story short, he gave me his number and that was that.
I texted him the next day at like 5pm to say hey, and I got no response. I was pretty pissed at first, but figured it was probably because of the whole break up that he had just gone through and that he wasn't ready. I thought it had probably worked out for the best because I don't want to get tangled up in a mess of a situation anyway.
So when T was here last weekend, I saw this guy out. Lets call him Jimmy Neutron for shits and giggles (and to amuse T).
Jimmy Neutron spotted me from across the bar, looked at me, got wide-eyed, and looked away. He obviously recognized me. I then saw him whisper to his friend and kind of nudge my way. While trying to act nonchalant I was trying to look at his facial expressions while he was talking to his friend. He looked terrified.
Every single time I would go near him that entire night, he would sprint away. At one point, I just kept inching closer to his side of the bar to see what he would do. He literally looked the other direction.
Did he feel like a dickhead because he never answered my text?
Was he really with his fiance and there was never a broken engagement?
Did he see through my cool girl vibe and straight to my psycho ex girlfriend ways?
I really don't know.
The night we met, he was so into me. He was making plans with me for the next weekend and asked me if I had every been to a certain restaurant in town. When I said I hadn't he said that he was going to take me there because it was amazing??
NO. FOLLOW. THROUGH.
Why do guys say these things when they really have no intention of doing them? Why did he act like he was into me if he obviously wasn't? Why didn't he just "go to the bathroom" 10 minutes into talking to me and never come back? Why did he spend the whole night trying to swoon me when he wanted nothing to do with me?
I hate that. I'd much rather have a guy be honest than say a bunch of shit and never follow through with it. Don't fake like me if you don't
Does anyone have feedback as to why this guy did that? Or why any guys act this way for that matter?
Theme song for the night:
I'll see you everyday, but you have to follow through,
C
Tennis.
Basketball.
Golf.
But what about relationships? Or a night of flirting at the bar? Where is the follow through in that situation?
I know T briefly touched on our bar excursions this weekend when she came to visit me, but I have my own little personal story to add into it.
So a couple of weekends ago I met this really cute (in my opinion..T later informed me that he looked like Jimmy Neutron) guy. He was 27, an engineer, had his life together, was really funny, and was really just a fun guy to talk to.
At one point we got to talking, and he let it slip that he had just broken off his engagement a few weeks ago. Ouch. I knew that he was probably damaged goods and it was probably better to walk away, but being the smart girl that I am, I continued to talk and flirt with him.
Long story short, he gave me his number and that was that.
I texted him the next day at like 5pm to say hey, and I got no response. I was pretty pissed at first, but figured it was probably because of the whole break up that he had just gone through and that he wasn't ready. I thought it had probably worked out for the best because I don't want to get tangled up in a mess of a situation anyway.
So when T was here last weekend, I saw this guy out. Lets call him Jimmy Neutron for shits and giggles (and to amuse T).
Jimmy Neutron spotted me from across the bar, looked at me, got wide-eyed, and looked away. He obviously recognized me. I then saw him whisper to his friend and kind of nudge my way. While trying to act nonchalant I was trying to look at his facial expressions while he was talking to his friend. He looked terrified.
Every single time I would go near him that entire night, he would sprint away. At one point, I just kept inching closer to his side of the bar to see what he would do. He literally looked the other direction.
Did he feel like a dickhead because he never answered my text?
Was he really with his fiance and there was never a broken engagement?
Did he see through my cool girl vibe and straight to my psycho ex girlfriend ways?
I really don't know.
The night we met, he was so into me. He was making plans with me for the next weekend and asked me if I had every been to a certain restaurant in town. When I said I hadn't he said that he was going to take me there because it was amazing??
NO. FOLLOW. THROUGH.
Why do guys say these things when they really have no intention of doing them? Why did he act like he was into me if he obviously wasn't? Why didn't he just "go to the bathroom" 10 minutes into talking to me and never come back? Why did he spend the whole night trying to swoon me when he wanted nothing to do with me?
I hate that. I'd much rather have a guy be honest than say a bunch of shit and never follow through with it. Don't fake like me if you don't
Does anyone have feedback as to why this guy did that? Or why any guys act this way for that matter?
Theme song for the night:
I'll see you everyday, but you have to follow through,
C
Sex Probz
So yeah, I miss sleeping next to someone. I miss the love connection with someone---I miss the best friend aspect....but most of all, I miss SEX.
I've been pondering some single sex questions. I'm the type of girl that has the best sex in committed relationships. Not only is there a connection, but you know each other---you know what to do, and it becomes better with time. My ex and I had great sex. It wasn't always that way, but towards the middle and end, we knew each other and it worked great. Sex with new people is just damn awkward. Awk situation one:
When he wants you on top, and you're just not ready for him to be staring at your full body yet. Not that anyone should be ashamed, but it's just like a giant spotlight on what you look like naked, jumping up and down in a weird position.
Another awkward sex moment is the initiation of sex-- how do you decide if it's just a hook up. Where does the sex part come in? Do we REALLY need to ask the awkward question..."do you want to have sex?" When someone asks me that question, I automatically question myself. Then I over analyze the situation in my head. By the time that's over, no, probs not.
Also, at what point do I become my sexual self? I don't wanna whip the kinky out on sex encounter one. This takes some time.
Bottom line is....I'm just not good at this. Clearly, I need to stick to the no sex until next boyfriend thing. Unless I'm really drunk (I think I'm kidding). Which really sucks. I wonder if sex with an ex that I'm totally over counts in this (I also think I'm kidding about this). But for the future, I'd appreciate feedback on this!
T
I've been pondering some single sex questions. I'm the type of girl that has the best sex in committed relationships. Not only is there a connection, but you know each other---you know what to do, and it becomes better with time. My ex and I had great sex. It wasn't always that way, but towards the middle and end, we knew each other and it worked great. Sex with new people is just damn awkward. Awk situation one:
When he wants you on top, and you're just not ready for him to be staring at your full body yet. Not that anyone should be ashamed, but it's just like a giant spotlight on what you look like naked, jumping up and down in a weird position.
Another awkward sex moment is the initiation of sex-- how do you decide if it's just a hook up. Where does the sex part come in? Do we REALLY need to ask the awkward question..."do you want to have sex?" When someone asks me that question, I automatically question myself. Then I over analyze the situation in my head. By the time that's over, no, probs not.
Also, at what point do I become my sexual self? I don't wanna whip the kinky out on sex encounter one. This takes some time.
Bottom line is....I'm just not good at this. Clearly, I need to stick to the no sex until next boyfriend thing. Unless I'm really drunk (I think I'm kidding). Which really sucks. I wonder if sex with an ex that I'm totally over counts in this (I also think I'm kidding about this). But for the future, I'd appreciate feedback on this!
T
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Dudes at the Bar
Groups of dudes at the bar:
The Scumbags
The Recently Divorced
The Committed Ones
The Nice Normal Ones
...On my VACAY to visit my bff, C, we have met one of each of these....
I'll start with the scumbag. A former bball player from USC from about 6 years ago. 1....who cares....you were a horrible team. 2....you're washed up.....3.....you're seriously going to use that as a pick up line?
But whatever, I'll talk to you because I'm drunk and it's funny. Mind you, this man was a whopping 6'10....and I'm pushing 5'2. I spent most of the night running away from him, but when it came down to it, I took his number. He told me there was a party the next night & we were trying to make some connections. BIG MISTAKE. This man has been texting me all day & all night. He knows that I'm from up North, and my ETA back home is...TOMORROW. He wanted one thing. He managed to call me sexy 4 times in 24 hours, ask me if I wanted to see his penis, and begged me to go on a "date." But, I like to lead an interesting life, so I led him on until he realized around 9 PM that I would not be coming over. Our last text:
Me: I thought Southern boys were gentleman....
Scumbag: I'm from Chicago
HAHA.
Example 2: The recently divorced. We have met two that stuck out in my mind. Divorce one was a recently graduated starting football player for USC. He was extremely attractive, funny, and a total douche. I hated him, but once again, it was too good to pass up. Turns out his wife "cheated on him." To me, that sounds like "I cheated on my wife and got caught." Got his # for the sake of the number game C and I were playing. We started this after we realized that the douches flocked to us at this bar. Deleted that # as soon as I left.
Divorce 2: Not quite a divorced man, but close enough. Teacher in Cali. His live in girlfriend was married to someone else. Wow, sucks. Totally believed this guy because he reminded me of Marshall from How I Met Your Mother. His friend was a friend of Cs, so we were together most of the night. Started friendly, and by the end of the night he was a hot mess giving me the details & I was giving him advice. He didn't seem like a creep, and he knew I was leaving as well, so I gave him by number because I thought we could be great friends. I'm a drunken dumbass. So far today, he has blown up my phone to ask me to a. lunch. b. dinner c. drinks. Can't take a hint. Turns out even nice guys hit a low and need a rebound. It won't be me, Buddy.
The Committed Ones.
We met dudes at the bar. They were married. They hit on us, and I hate them. I call them the uncommitted committed. Then, there are the sweethearts who are really out with their friends just to hang out. Obviously, I did not speak to them because they were busy being good people.
The Nice Normal Ones...
that are single. Unfortunately, I did not meet any of these either. Nonexistent?
The moral of the story: I was on vacation to hang out with my bff. ALL of the dudes that we talked to came up to us...we hadn't went out of our way at all. At one point, dudes were grabbing us by the arms to pull us in. They were actually doing this to multiple girls, and it gave me a horrible perspective on most men. Why does this shock me?
I guess it upsets me more than it shocks me. I still care in some way about all of my exs. They've all done one negative thing to me at some point, but I've given it back. Although they weren't perfect, I never expect them to act this way. Now that I've seen even the "nice ones" being douche bags, it makes me a little nervous about those who we think that we know. IF I have this mind set though, I will drive myself crazy. I'm going to stay positive, and find a guy that DOESN'T live at the bar.
BACK TO THE NORTH TOMORROW :(
T
ps...I won the # game
The Scumbags
The Recently Divorced
The Committed Ones
The Nice Normal Ones
...On my VACAY to visit my bff, C, we have met one of each of these....
I'll start with the scumbag. A former bball player from USC from about 6 years ago. 1....who cares....you were a horrible team. 2....you're washed up.....3.....you're seriously going to use that as a pick up line?
But whatever, I'll talk to you because I'm drunk and it's funny. Mind you, this man was a whopping 6'10....and I'm pushing 5'2. I spent most of the night running away from him, but when it came down to it, I took his number. He told me there was a party the next night & we were trying to make some connections. BIG MISTAKE. This man has been texting me all day & all night. He knows that I'm from up North, and my ETA back home is...TOMORROW. He wanted one thing. He managed to call me sexy 4 times in 24 hours, ask me if I wanted to see his penis, and begged me to go on a "date." But, I like to lead an interesting life, so I led him on until he realized around 9 PM that I would not be coming over. Our last text:
Me: I thought Southern boys were gentleman....
Scumbag: I'm from Chicago
HAHA.
Example 2: The recently divorced. We have met two that stuck out in my mind. Divorce one was a recently graduated starting football player for USC. He was extremely attractive, funny, and a total douche. I hated him, but once again, it was too good to pass up. Turns out his wife "cheated on him." To me, that sounds like "I cheated on my wife and got caught." Got his # for the sake of the number game C and I were playing. We started this after we realized that the douches flocked to us at this bar. Deleted that # as soon as I left.
Divorce 2: Not quite a divorced man, but close enough. Teacher in Cali. His live in girlfriend was married to someone else. Wow, sucks. Totally believed this guy because he reminded me of Marshall from How I Met Your Mother. His friend was a friend of Cs, so we were together most of the night. Started friendly, and by the end of the night he was a hot mess giving me the details & I was giving him advice. He didn't seem like a creep, and he knew I was leaving as well, so I gave him by number because I thought we could be great friends. I'm a drunken dumbass. So far today, he has blown up my phone to ask me to a. lunch. b. dinner c. drinks. Can't take a hint. Turns out even nice guys hit a low and need a rebound. It won't be me, Buddy.
The Committed Ones.
We met dudes at the bar. They were married. They hit on us, and I hate them. I call them the uncommitted committed. Then, there are the sweethearts who are really out with their friends just to hang out. Obviously, I did not speak to them because they were busy being good people.
The Nice Normal Ones...
that are single. Unfortunately, I did not meet any of these either. Nonexistent?
The moral of the story: I was on vacation to hang out with my bff. ALL of the dudes that we talked to came up to us...we hadn't went out of our way at all. At one point, dudes were grabbing us by the arms to pull us in. They were actually doing this to multiple girls, and it gave me a horrible perspective on most men. Why does this shock me?
I guess it upsets me more than it shocks me. I still care in some way about all of my exs. They've all done one negative thing to me at some point, but I've given it back. Although they weren't perfect, I never expect them to act this way. Now that I've seen even the "nice ones" being douche bags, it makes me a little nervous about those who we think that we know. IF I have this mind set though, I will drive myself crazy. I'm going to stay positive, and find a guy that DOESN'T live at the bar.
BACK TO THE NORTH TOMORROW :(
T
ps...I won the # game
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Taking the blame
This weekend I finally got full circle closure on my relation-shit with N.
For those of you who have followed the blog you know N as my flakey fling from a few months back. The thing is, even though there were some red flags about him, I really liked him. We got along great, he made me laugh, was fun to be around, and gave me butterflies.
A quick recap for those of you catching up: Me and N were basically "dating" but then he just stopped talking to me. Cold turkey. No explanation.
Recently, I found out my instincts were right about him meeting another girl. Through some serious facebook stalking, I saw that he was talking to this new girl who worked with his roommate. She looks like a 12 year old gremlin.
ANYWAYS, it turns out they became facebook official this weekend. To be more specific, they became FBO on April Fools Day. I freaking wish that it was a big, fat, joke, but according to her happy lovey dovey profile pic of the two of them, it's very much a reality.
What did I do when I saw this? I immediately teared up. It was the official closure that I needed but damn did it hurt to see. I think it hurt so much because I really really really LIKED him. Genuinely liked him. Which doesn't happen a lot for me. Most guys end up "making me sick" for really no good reason at all. Me & N really clicked in a way that I don't usually find.
I started to think back on the 3 months that we hung out/dated/talked and it all became a little more clear. I think that it was partially my fault that we didn't work out. Yes, he was a flake. Yes, he was horrible at communication. But honestly I think that I tried way too hard to give off the carefree vibe. When I started talking to him I was so stuck on college mode ad the assumption that no guy wants a relationship. I assumed that he was one of those guys and any sign of me wanting commitment would scare him off.
I was wrong.
I think that he really wanted a relationship, something serious and tangible and there I was going on and on about how I didn't want to settle down. Now that I'm looking back on the signs, he was thinking we were at two different places in our lives. I rarely called or texted him first. I acted really nonchalant about hanging out. I mentioned that I wanted to travel this summer and when he told me I should stay in South Carolina, I immediately shut down the idea.
I blatantly lied to him and myself about not wanting a relationship. I wanted to seem chill and cool but I think I gave off the "I don't want a relationship" vibe more than I was trying to.
Point of this story?
Don't lie about what you want or make assumptions about what another person wants. There are a lot of guys that DO want relationships and acting like you could give a shit less isn't going to convince someone that they want a relationship with you. I think I may have screwed up something that could have been good.
BUT he's still an asshole with a gremlin girlfriend.
Taking SOME of the blame,
C
For those of you who have followed the blog you know N as my flakey fling from a few months back. The thing is, even though there were some red flags about him, I really liked him. We got along great, he made me laugh, was fun to be around, and gave me butterflies.
A quick recap for those of you catching up: Me and N were basically "dating" but then he just stopped talking to me. Cold turkey. No explanation.
Recently, I found out my instincts were right about him meeting another girl. Through some serious facebook stalking, I saw that he was talking to this new girl who worked with his roommate. She looks like a 12 year old gremlin.
ANYWAYS, it turns out they became facebook official this weekend. To be more specific, they became FBO on April Fools Day. I freaking wish that it was a big, fat, joke, but according to her happy lovey dovey profile pic of the two of them, it's very much a reality.
What did I do when I saw this? I immediately teared up. It was the official closure that I needed but damn did it hurt to see. I think it hurt so much because I really really really LIKED him. Genuinely liked him. Which doesn't happen a lot for me. Most guys end up "making me sick" for really no good reason at all. Me & N really clicked in a way that I don't usually find.
I started to think back on the 3 months that we hung out/dated/talked and it all became a little more clear. I think that it was partially my fault that we didn't work out. Yes, he was a flake. Yes, he was horrible at communication. But honestly I think that I tried way too hard to give off the carefree vibe. When I started talking to him I was so stuck on college mode ad the assumption that no guy wants a relationship. I assumed that he was one of those guys and any sign of me wanting commitment would scare him off.
I was wrong.
I think that he really wanted a relationship, something serious and tangible and there I was going on and on about how I didn't want to settle down. Now that I'm looking back on the signs, he was thinking we were at two different places in our lives. I rarely called or texted him first. I acted really nonchalant about hanging out. I mentioned that I wanted to travel this summer and when he told me I should stay in South Carolina, I immediately shut down the idea.
I blatantly lied to him and myself about not wanting a relationship. I wanted to seem chill and cool but I think I gave off the "I don't want a relationship" vibe more than I was trying to.
Point of this story?
Don't lie about what you want or make assumptions about what another person wants. There are a lot of guys that DO want relationships and acting like you could give a shit less isn't going to convince someone that they want a relationship with you. I think I may have screwed up something that could have been good.
BUT he's still an asshole with a gremlin girlfriend.
Taking SOME of the blame,
C
Monday, April 2, 2012
Pick Your Poison
In my last post I talked a lot about the guy that I met at the horse race that made me sick. I briefly mentioned that he was the male version of myself (personally I think I'm way cooler than him but you get what I mean). The guy walked into the place like he owned it, was confident, and the life of the party....but in a kind of obnoxious way. Don't get me wrong, I like to be the center of attention but don't think that I am on the outlandish, obnoxious spectrum of things.
I am a pretty fun person to be around though if I do say so myself. I like to win people over, be loud, get crazy on the dance floor and will talk to basically anyone who will listen. When I met this guy and started to overanalyze if I like him or not,(I seriously overanalyze everything), I had a realization. All my ex boyfriends, hook ups, have all been pretty opposite of me. They've all been so laid back, very chill, let me have the spotlight kind of boyfriend. My most recent ex was my polar opposite...he was not into the social scene and would pick staying in over going out 7 days of the week if he could.
With that being said, is it better to date your polar opposite or someone who is the opposite sex version of yourself???
Dating your polar opposite:
Pros:
You balance each other out.
My ex was very logical and always thinking about what made the most sense instead of thinking on impulse. He helped me back up and think about big decisions before I went with my gut.
It keeps it interesting.
It's never a dull moment when dating someone completely different than you. You are always learning new things and thinking of things in new ways.
Opposites attract
There's something so mysterious about someone you can't quite figure out. When someone keeps you guessing it makes you want them even more.
Cons:
It's frustrating as hell
Sometimes you just don't GET each other at all. My ex and I were totally different personality types. He's an introvert..I'm a huge extrovert and love to be around people. We would get so frustrated with each other when something completely normal for one of us would be really uncomfortable for the other one.
In it for the long haul?
When you are TOO polar opposite of the person you are dating, things can get messy when things start to get serious. If you don't have the same viewpoints on the important things, a future may not be in sight. That's why there's a beautiful thing called compromise but it's harder than it sounds.
Dating the other version of you
Pros:
Twinsies
It's fun when you like the same things as the other person. The guy I dated, N loved to go out on the weekends and was very social. This was awesome for me because I also liked to do those things. It gave us common ground and because we were both interested in spending our time the same way, it was easier for us to spend more time together.
Easier to understand each other
When you have the same personality type as the person you are dating, it makes it easier to see where they are coming from. The same types of things probably annoy them or hurt their feelings if they are very similar to you.
Cons:
Get out of my spotlight!
For me, if a guy is a male version of myself, it means that he likes attention as well. I want a guy to get up and dance with me but also let me have the spotlight every now and again. I think the same would go for an introverted person. If your significant other doesn't want to go out of their comfort zone it's likely that you won't get out there either. Sometimes we need that extra push.
Butting heads
I kind of hate that phrase..."butting heads" but it's the only phrase I can think of that makes sense. Too much of something can be too much. If you are exactly the same, there is going to be a power struggle.
It looks like these two different relationship dynamics both have their ups and downs.
I'm still searching for that happy medium.
Noah Calhoun....where are you??
C
I am a pretty fun person to be around though if I do say so myself. I like to win people over, be loud, get crazy on the dance floor and will talk to basically anyone who will listen. When I met this guy and started to overanalyze if I like him or not,(I seriously overanalyze everything), I had a realization. All my ex boyfriends, hook ups, have all been pretty opposite of me. They've all been so laid back, very chill, let me have the spotlight kind of boyfriend. My most recent ex was my polar opposite...he was not into the social scene and would pick staying in over going out 7 days of the week if he could.
With that being said, is it better to date your polar opposite or someone who is the opposite sex version of yourself???
Dating your polar opposite:
Pros:
You balance each other out.
My ex was very logical and always thinking about what made the most sense instead of thinking on impulse. He helped me back up and think about big decisions before I went with my gut.
It keeps it interesting.
It's never a dull moment when dating someone completely different than you. You are always learning new things and thinking of things in new ways.
Opposites attract
There's something so mysterious about someone you can't quite figure out. When someone keeps you guessing it makes you want them even more.
Cons:
It's frustrating as hell
Sometimes you just don't GET each other at all. My ex and I were totally different personality types. He's an introvert..I'm a huge extrovert and love to be around people. We would get so frustrated with each other when something completely normal for one of us would be really uncomfortable for the other one.
In it for the long haul?
When you are TOO polar opposite of the person you are dating, things can get messy when things start to get serious. If you don't have the same viewpoints on the important things, a future may not be in sight. That's why there's a beautiful thing called compromise but it's harder than it sounds.
Dating the other version of you
Pros:
Twinsies
It's fun when you like the same things as the other person. The guy I dated, N loved to go out on the weekends and was very social. This was awesome for me because I also liked to do those things. It gave us common ground and because we were both interested in spending our time the same way, it was easier for us to spend more time together.
Easier to understand each other
When you have the same personality type as the person you are dating, it makes it easier to see where they are coming from. The same types of things probably annoy them or hurt their feelings if they are very similar to you.
Cons:
Get out of my spotlight!
For me, if a guy is a male version of myself, it means that he likes attention as well. I want a guy to get up and dance with me but also let me have the spotlight every now and again. I think the same would go for an introverted person. If your significant other doesn't want to go out of their comfort zone it's likely that you won't get out there either. Sometimes we need that extra push.
Butting heads
I kind of hate that phrase..."butting heads" but it's the only phrase I can think of that makes sense. Too much of something can be too much. If you are exactly the same, there is going to be a power struggle.
It looks like these two different relationship dynamics both have their ups and downs.
I'm still searching for that happy medium.
Noah Calhoun....where are you??
C
Sunday, April 1, 2012
So Typical
Everything about this weekend was very typical.
I thought I would spice things up a bit and go to a horse race aka a shit show of day drinking with some friends in my grad program. In the back of my mind, I thought that this was a great way to creep on some men....day drinking and creeping, how could things get any better?
Things started out slow but then heated up once some fine young gentlemen stopped by our tent and started chatting us up. I started talking to this guy who was actually not my type at all. I like shorter soccer player bod types. He was more of the center in basketball type, and he kinda reminded me of Vince Vaughn or Jason Segal...he was kinda goofy. He was charming though and told me my eyes were gorgeous and asked me to take a walk down by the actual horse race with him. So I agreed and off we went. He was pretty funny and seemed to be confident enough. We started watching the race and he asked if we could make a bet. If my horses won, he had to kiss me. If his horses won, I'd have to kiss him. Totally corny but pretty cute right?
So of course we ended up making out in the middle of a field, me in a white dress and floppy hat, him in baby blue pants and a bow tie. Epitome of a southern dream come true. That was that & when we started to pack up to go home he asked for my number. Pretty legit way to meet someone....or so I thought.
On the way home my friend told me that she recognized him and a few of his friends from match.com. Obviously, I am not a rookie to online dating, so I was definitely not weirded out by the fact that he was on match. Thats when the texts started rolling in. Telling me how great it was to meet me and that he hopes he can see me later. Ok, that's cute I can handle that. But then he called me. And told me he missed me.....?
You just met me & you already miss me??? Doubtful.
I gave him a chance though and met up with him later at the bar.
I guess my drunken state was completely worn off because he made me sick. He was trying WAY too hard AND he was the male version of myself. Life of the party, center of attention. I always thought that I wanted a guy more like me...more of a social person and the first one on the dance floor. I learned last night that I don't want that. I don't like competing for attention with my man.
Bottom line is he just tried WAY too hard. Trying to make out with me int he bar. Tried to pull me in a corner booth with him and make out....too much dude.
Is this the match.com curse? I feel like he was kind of insecure and just really overly into me. We knew each other for 12 hours and he was already making plans to go to an event in town over the summer.......too much. At first I thought that it was a good thing that he was on match....that means that he is serious about wanting a relationship. Am I being stereotypical or was he the epitome of the online dating guy?
It doesn't end here. I peaced out of the bar after an hour of hanging out with him. He was physically making me nauseous. After I left, he called me....twice. Left me a drunken voicemail about how he can't believe I left and can't believe I didn't answer my phone. Crazy much?
Where is the happy medium? This guy probably would be totally obsessed with me but because of that, he made my stomach turn.
Ugh.
Back to square one,
C
I thought I would spice things up a bit and go to a horse race aka a shit show of day drinking with some friends in my grad program. In the back of my mind, I thought that this was a great way to creep on some men....day drinking and creeping, how could things get any better?
Things started out slow but then heated up once some fine young gentlemen stopped by our tent and started chatting us up. I started talking to this guy who was actually not my type at all. I like shorter soccer player bod types. He was more of the center in basketball type, and he kinda reminded me of Vince Vaughn or Jason Segal...he was kinda goofy. He was charming though and told me my eyes were gorgeous and asked me to take a walk down by the actual horse race with him. So I agreed and off we went. He was pretty funny and seemed to be confident enough. We started watching the race and he asked if we could make a bet. If my horses won, he had to kiss me. If his horses won, I'd have to kiss him. Totally corny but pretty cute right?
So of course we ended up making out in the middle of a field, me in a white dress and floppy hat, him in baby blue pants and a bow tie. Epitome of a southern dream come true. That was that & when we started to pack up to go home he asked for my number. Pretty legit way to meet someone....or so I thought.
On the way home my friend told me that she recognized him and a few of his friends from match.com. Obviously, I am not a rookie to online dating, so I was definitely not weirded out by the fact that he was on match. Thats when the texts started rolling in. Telling me how great it was to meet me and that he hopes he can see me later. Ok, that's cute I can handle that. But then he called me. And told me he missed me.....?
You just met me & you already miss me??? Doubtful.
I gave him a chance though and met up with him later at the bar.
I guess my drunken state was completely worn off because he made me sick. He was trying WAY too hard AND he was the male version of myself. Life of the party, center of attention. I always thought that I wanted a guy more like me...more of a social person and the first one on the dance floor. I learned last night that I don't want that. I don't like competing for attention with my man.
Bottom line is he just tried WAY too hard. Trying to make out with me int he bar. Tried to pull me in a corner booth with him and make out....too much dude.
Is this the match.com curse? I feel like he was kind of insecure and just really overly into me. We knew each other for 12 hours and he was already making plans to go to an event in town over the summer.......too much. At first I thought that it was a good thing that he was on match....that means that he is serious about wanting a relationship. Am I being stereotypical or was he the epitome of the online dating guy?
It doesn't end here. I peaced out of the bar after an hour of hanging out with him. He was physically making me nauseous. After I left, he called me....twice. Left me a drunken voicemail about how he can't believe I left and can't believe I didn't answer my phone. Crazy much?
Where is the happy medium? This guy probably would be totally obsessed with me but because of that, he made my stomach turn.
Ugh.
Back to square one,
C
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